On Becoming

2 journal posts in a week? That has got to be some kind of record. I am really loving this blog journal thing...it's so nice to be just able to type what I am thinking. Whenever I go to write in the blank pages of a real journal I feel so much pressure. Like what I write about has to be so wonderful and profound that all of my posterity will be so inspired and enlightened! Too much pressure for me. Doing a journal online makes me feel like I can say what I want, without too much eternal significance. :)

Life is a tad crazy this week...and probably this whole semester. This is my last real semester of classes on campus. After this it will be student teaching, and then...a real job! It's weird to think that this is what I have been working up to for so long, but now that it's almost here...it's a little scary! BYU is my safe place. It's familiar, comfortable, and I love it here. But, the way our teachers are working us in the EL ED program, it may be a welcome relief by that time.

I've been feeling a little discouraged this semester. Our teachers keep saying this will be the hardest semester, the hardest practicum, and it has been a lot just to keep up with my homework for the next day. I am taking all of my methods classes; science, social studies, math, literacy...all of the classes that will hopefully make me competent in teaching all of those subjects. Some days I get really scared about being a teacher! It is not an easy job. In fact, in may be one of the hardest things I will do in this life. I have to be absolutely commited and hard working, which intimidates me at times. I'm scared that in my older grades practicum that I won't be able to relate to the kids and that they won't like me. I'm scared that they will have sassy attitudes and won't care about learning or my lessons. While these are legitimate fears, I have to remind myself that this is exactly how I felt 6 months ago when I was starting my practicum in first grade. I felt scared, nervous, anxious, and inadequate. But it ended up being amazing! I bonded so well with those twenty first graders. They loved and respected me. It wasn't easy, that's for sure. I spent hours planning lessons and getting to know my students and learning classroom policies and procedures. In fact it was just when I was feeling confident that it was time to go. But I learned fast by doing. I gained so much confidence when my teacher would tell me I taught a good lesson, or a student I was working with finally understood the concept, or when I got the highest scores on my evaluations than any other pracitcum students at my school. So while I am faced with another hard semester, and potentially even harder classroom experience, I know that I have the potential and capacity to be able to work hard and do this.

One thing that I was so grateful for happened when I was leaving my first practicum classroom. My teacher told me, "Not everyone that comes here should be a teacher. You should be a teacher. Thank you for how kind you have been to my students and how you have taken care of them." I still have a long way to go learning content, curriculum, and best practices for teaching. But one thing I do have is a love for children. A love for learning, and for helping them be excited about learning new things. I think there is something really special about inspiring a child, when you do that, you never know what great things they may accomplish in life or how they may improve their own situation. Although I may not be the perfect teacher yet, I know I have all the attributes to become a great teacher.